Groundhog Day, Again

please stay with me . There is a reason to write this, I promise, and this blog entry is not overly long. If you’re a writer, I hope you appreciate my sharing some inner most thoughts. So, with trepidation here goes…

A recurring, nagging weariness hounds me. I am stuck. Words allude me so I drift off to the dreaded diversions. Cleaning, online shopping, cooking, and the worst of all – television.

Still, I have deadlines. So, I return to the keyboard and force myself to write. But that builds some sort of crazy tension inside my brain. It hates when I force it.

Then the eyes start to burn and the fingers ache. My temples throb. None of that matters and I attempt to ignore it. But I relent and finally acknowledge I am too tired to write. Time for sleep.

Morning brings a renewed me, ready to write my next blockbuster novel or screenplay. But first, time to write for my precious clients. So, I return to the worn keyboard and finish their article, blog, web page, screenplay, novel, or whatever was unfinished the day before.

Over the course of the day, I manage to complete some of their pieces but there are new jobs to start. Then, with me unaware, the light outside is no more. The fatigue returns. Sentences that were flowing like a gorged river trickle down till they are but a dry stream. Once again, my brain locks, my stomach rumbles, and my eyes droop.

Personal works in progress go untouched another day. The laundry piles remain too tall. But I return to the keyboard the next morning to do it all again, fully aware. This is my own self-imposed version of Groundhog Day. You know, that Bill Murray movie where he lives the same day over and over.

So, why do it? The answer is simple. Writing is a passion. It is what I love to do. If only my body wasn’t so weak. Imagine what I could do if fatigue didn’t happen after a mere 12 or 14 hours of writing. I would…be inhuman and lack the ability to write like one.

I guess all artist’s struggle with it. Ideas and concepts bubble up by the hundreds, but writing it on the page, carving it out of stone, or painting it on a canvas takes time. And our minds and bodies can only do so much in a day. If I could have any superpower, I would chose to have complete immunity to fatigue. It’s pathetic, I know, but it’s what I would choose.

Until I obtain that awesome superpower, I must live with my humanity. And unlike Bill Murray, I chose to relive each day as a writer. It is what I want, no, need to do. I write because I love it. Drafting the perfect line of dialogue or creating a character you want to meet; there is nothing like it.

I have this possibly delusional thought that helps me deal with the writer’s grind. I imagine and hope I’m not alone, that there are thousands of other writers like me out there. Somehow in my mind, that makes the world a better place. No, I don’t want others to suffer the doldrums. But thousands of people who see the world a little different, all creating art, and exploring every story line possible, means I am neither alone nor crazy.

I guess that’s why I wrote this blog piece. Loneliness and fatigue are often part of the deal for writers. And this all may sound like venting or complaining. But it’s not. It is respect and praise for all the great writers out there.

The daily struggle, the repeating Groundhog Day, is the last thing I want for other writers. But somehow, I know my life is not unique.

So, finally we get to the reason for this blog entry. It is a sobering thought for me. But to be the only one who labors at times would mean I am flawed and foolish to continue. It would mean I should stop writing, but I could never do that.

To all those writers working hard day after day, please keep doing so and let me know how you are doing. The world needs you; I need you. Yes, that’s a bit dramatic. But, tired and alone, I am proud to be part of something special.

Thanks for reading the entire piece and thank to all my clients that have kept me employed over the 10 last years.